Yes, folks, very close – if I hadn’t checked ever so quickly, then nearly the entire month of July would’ve gone by without my writing anything new. “Shame”, “Boo”, “Hiss” I hear you say. Or, perhaps we’d all have been far happier allowing this little blog to dwindle to a tiny speck, and finally vanish from the over-polluted musico-blogosphere…
Either way, here I am again, just crawling under the wire. Frantically typing in order to catch the copy-deadline. And what’s prompted this renewed frenzy of posting? (Hardly a frenzy, now, is it? – Ed.) Well, for a start I’ve just acquired a brand new iMac and can actually see what I’m typing – and, oh my, the joys are seemingly endless. One of the many, giddying glories is being able to watch YouTube in High Definition. On a huge great screen. So (and pardon me for what I’m about to do), if I were to watch some YouTube footage of, say, I dunno, Peter Maxwell Davies, then I’d be watching Max on the iMac as if I were at the IMAX.
I may delete that. If you’re still able to read it, clearly all self-control has abandoned me.
Now, after two televised proms in a row – Jurowski on Fri with the LPO, Nelsons last night with the CBSO, both of them passionate, committed performances, and brilliantly conducted – I went on a bit of a YouTube wander. I came across all sorts of wonders I’ve never seen before, which I won’t bore you with here (maybe in a later blog post), and many of them in gargantuan 1080p (that’s nice, crisp HD for those who don’t speak geek).
Inspired by this late-night festival of online video viewing, this morning I tried looking at my own videos, which I’ve slowly been amassing behind closed YouTube doors, in a similar IMAX-like style. I thought all of those imperfections – you know, swoopy upbeats, glinting cufflinks, dodgy wind tuning, facial grimacing – would be magnified beyond tolerance, and I’d be left with no choice but to shut down my account and my career. But in fact, and this is in no way intended to be self-congratulatory, they seemed better than on my old laptop. They actually looked, well, kind of OK. So I took a huge risk, overcame the inertia of more than a decade, and have finally published some videos of myself online. You can view them here on my swanky, shiny, new YouTube channel
It’s been a long time coming. I’m astonishingly perfectionist and self-critical. I’ve looked at so many videos and hated them – I mean of me, not others! It takes me ages, not to mention being strapped to the sofa and having a gun to my head, to ever watch some footage of my conducting. I h a t e doing it, with a passion. But now, particularly after a fine week of studying last week with the wonderful Sian Edwards, I know more than ever that this is exactly what I have to do. For two reasons – firstly to churn out some additional stuff for the hungry YouTube beast, and secondly so as I can grow and develop. Sort out all those stupid things I do. We all have bad habits, as conductors, and some of mine have recently been writ large in front of my eyes (boy oh BOY that was an eye-opening time with Sian!)
But hang on. It’s all very well slapping things up on YouTube, but of course it’s always the good stuff, never the out-takes. You know the bits I mean. Like those lunges at the brass section whilst gurning (a good look, that). Or swishes from side-to-side, basses to fiddles, imagining some evocative legato but in fact destroying all semblance of pulse. And OHHH those impetuous pre-performance utterances which make ones’ buttocks clench (“why oh why didn’t I actually plan what to say?”, “spontaneity? hugely over-rated”).
Yes, any YouTube content has got to be a sequence of highlights (unless you’ve got a career-deathwish). But it’s all the other stuff that I now need to pore over. The out-takes, the stuff on the cutting-room floor, full of hideous habits, embarrassing mannerisms and ambiguous upbeats. I must attend to the simple things. Watch my videos, whether I like what I see, or not. Holding a gun to my head, if necessary. As the master-teacher Jorma Panula once said to a crowd of us years ago, “the video-camera is the best teacher there is”. And the agonising truth is that, if it looks strange on the video, it’s going to look strange in real life – to the orchestra, to the audience. Painful, but true.
Anyway, that’s enough for July. Please do have a look at those videos, if you get the chance. I think I’ve cut-out all the gurning, for now.










